I Don’t Want to Worry About What People Think of Me

The Mental Weight We Carry in the Firehouse

Think Deeply. Respond Quietly.

There’s a constant background calculation happening in this profession.

How did that sound?
Did I look unsure?
Was that too much?
Too quiet?
Too intense?
Not confident enough?

In a field built on performance — alarms, radios, reports, evaluations, reputation — you start to feel like you are always being observed.

And at some point, you think:

I don’t want to worry about what people think of me anymore.

Not because you don’t care.

But because you’re tired.

The Hidden Cost of Constant Self-Monitoring

Worrying about what others think isn’t always insecurity.

Sometimes it’s hyper-awareness.

Especially for:

• Introverted responders

• ADHD minds

• Neurodivergent students

• Probationary firefighters

• New paramedics

You walk into a room and scan it.

You replay conversations later.

You overanalyze facial expressions.

You anticipate criticism before it arrives.

That mental loop burns energy.

And in a profession that already demands cognitive clarity, it becomes expensive.

Why It’s So Intense in Fire & EMS

This is a communal career.

You don’t clock out socially.

You live together.
Eat together.
Train together.
Fail together.
Get evaluated publicly.
Corrected publicly.
Judged informally.

Your reputation spreads faster than your skill set.

So your nervous system adapts.

It says:

“Stay sharp. Stay alert. Don’t mess up.”

But over time, that alertness becomes tension.

And tension becomes exhaustion.

What Worrying Too Much Does to You

1. It Slows Decision-Making

Instead of focusing on the call, you’re wondering:
“Did I look confident when I said that?”

That half-second of doubt can cost clarity.

2. It Mutes Your Voice

You don’t ask the question.
You don’t offer the correction.
You don’t share the idea.

Not because you don’t know.

Because you don’t want to look wrong.

3. It Changes Your Personality

You become quieter than you are.

Or louder than you are.

You start performing instead of leading.

And performance fatigue is real.

4. It Distorts Feedback

A small critique feels like a character indictment.

Especially if you are wired for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria or heightened emotional processing.

Your brain doesn’t hear:
“Improve this skill.”

It hears:
“You are not enough.”

So you tighten up even more.

The Truth: You Will Be Misunderstood

No matter how skilled you are.

No matter how prepared.

No matter how disciplined.

Someone will misread your quietness as weakness.
Someone will misread your intensity as ego.
Someone will misread your boundaries as attitude.

You cannot eliminate that.

You can only stabilize yourself within it.

The Shift: From Worrying to Anchoring

The goal is not to stop caring completely.

The goal is to stop outsourcing your identity.

Instead of asking:
“What do they think of me?”

Try:
“Did I operate within my values?”

Instead of:
“Did I look confident?”

Try:
“Was I competent and prepared?”

Instead of:
“Did they like me?”

Try:
“Did I treat people with professionalism?”

Anchors reduce anxiety.

Approval amplifies it.

Example: The Introverted Lieutenant

He replays every meeting afterward.

“Did I sound unsure?”
“Was that too soft?”

Eventually he realizes:

The crew isn’t questioning his volume.
They’re watching his consistency.

So he shifts focus.

Prepared.
Fair.
Calm.
Decisive.

volume becomes irrelevant.

Stability becomes identity.

The worry decreases.

Example: The ADHD Paramedic Student

She talks fast when nervous.

After one comment — “Slow down” — she spirals.

For weeks she obsesses over how she sounds.

Eventually she reframes it:

“My speed is a nervous response, not a flaw.”

She practices slowing her breathing before patient reports.

She improves.

Not because she worried more.

Because she anchored better.

Practical Ways to Worry Less Without Becoming Cold

1. Limit the Imaginary Audience

Most people are thinking about themselves.

Not analyzing you.

The mental spotlight you feel?
It’s mostly internal.

2. Build Internal Evidence

Confidence is built through receipts.

Study.
Train.
Rehearse.
Prepare.

When you know you’ve put in the work, opinions lose volume.

3. Create One Honest Mirror

Have one mentor.
One peer.
One supervisor.

Ask for direct feedback from them.

If they say you’re solid, believe it.

Don’t let ten silent observers outweigh one trusted voice.

4. Accept That Growth Feels Exposed

Every time you stretch, you feel visible.

That discomfort isn’t judgment.

It’s expansion.

The Reflective Pause

Ask yourself quietly:

• Am I worried because I care about excellence — or because I fear rejection?

• Did I truly perform poorly — or am I replaying it?

• If no one commented, would I still think I failed?

These questions matter.

They separate accountability from anxiety.

For Leaders

If you want your people to worry less about perception:

• Correct privately.

• Be specific.

• Praise effort, not personality.

• Avoid sarcasm as leadership.

• Recognize the quiet high performer.

Psychological safety reduces overthinking.

And overthinking drains performance.

The Goal Is Not Indifference

The goal is steadiness.

To walk into the station grounded.

To walk onto the scene prepared.

To leave conversations without replaying them for hours.

To know that being thoughtful does not mean being fragile.

You don’t need to stop caring.

You need to stop letting imagined judgment define your nervous system.

Instead of:

“I don’t want to worry about what people think of me.”

Try:

“I want to be stable enough that other people’s opinions don’t control my performance.”

That is not arrogance.

That is maturity.

Think deeply.
Respond quietly.